Here's the thing, I really don't want to do a father daughter dance. So much so, that I am writing my first blog post in six months because it is bothering me so much.
I understand there are lots of women out there who just can't wait for that special moment, but it makes me cringe just thinking about it. Dancing to me is a romantic act, and not something I do very often and certainly not with family members. Not to mention my relationship with my dad has changed drastically in the past few years. We've been down a dark road and back again, when I found out about that lifelong secret he kept from our family and yeah yeah lots of good came from it to, like I got to know my little sister, and even went to her wedding a few weeks ago.
I cannot however deny the fact that the way I see my father has changed irrevocably, I can't even pick out a father's day card without getting really irritated. No, the bad does not outweigh all the wonderful things he has done for me, or the ways in which he was absolutely a great dad, but it has forever altered the way I feel about him. Maybe if I felt like there had been some kind of just outcome to the situation that didn't have me constantly stuck in the middle of some very complicated relationships.
So what's the problem? I should just not have this father daughter dance business at our wedding right? Wrong. If there is one thing I have learned in the past year of wedding planning, and through watching my older and younger sisters plan their weddings, it's that most of this isn't really about us (the couple getting married) it's about the family as a whole. Furthermore I think it would cause more drama to not dance with my dad than it will if I just suck it up. I have become less and less selfish the older I get, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even if they deserve it.
I'm just not going to pretend I'm excited about something so lame and antiquated. I know some people probably think I am ungrateful for what I have, and would love the chance to dance a father-daughter dance at their weddings, maybe even my little sister who didn't really have that option. I'm sorry for them, but it doesn't change my mind, and I don't feel bad at all, not even a tiny bit.
Now I just have to find a song that doesn't make me want to gag.