Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I'd rather be stubborn and not do it

Here's the thing, I really don't want to do a father daughter dance. So much so, that I am writing my first blog post in six months because it is bothering me so much.

I understand there are lots of women out there who just can't wait for that special moment, but it makes me cringe just thinking about it. Dancing to me is a romantic act, and not something I do very often and certainly not with family members. Not to mention my relationship with my dad has changed drastically in the past few years.  We've been down a dark road and back again, when I found out about that lifelong secret he kept from our family and yeah yeah lots of good came from it to, like I got to know my little sister, and even went to her wedding a few weeks ago.

I cannot however deny the fact that the way I see my father has changed irrevocably, I can't even pick out a father's day card without getting really irritated. No, the bad does not outweigh all the wonderful things he has done for me, or the ways in which he was absolutely a great dad, but it has forever altered the way I feel about him.  Maybe if I felt like there had been some kind of just outcome to the situation that didn't have me constantly stuck in the middle of some very complicated relationships.

So what's the problem? I should just not have this father daughter dance business at our wedding right? Wrong. If there is one thing I have learned in the past year of wedding planning, and through watching my older and younger sisters plan their weddings, it's that most of this isn't really about us (the couple getting married) it's about the family as a whole. Furthermore I think it would cause more drama to not dance with my dad than it will if I just suck it up. I have become less and less selfish the older I get, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even if they deserve it.

I'm just not going to pretend I'm excited about something so lame and antiquated.  I know some people probably think I am ungrateful for what I have, and would love the chance to dance a father-daughter dance at their weddings, maybe even my little sister who didn't really have that option. I'm sorry for them, but it doesn't change my  mind, and I don't feel bad at all, not even a tiny bit.

Now I just have to find a song that doesn't make me want to gag.


amk said...

Exactly why I eloped!
Not saying you should do that; I just couldn't handle the complicated family issues.
Turned out to be the best day of my life, even without all the fancy trappings.
PS I miss you.

Teeny said...

My Dad and I had a super difficult time finding a song. He vetoed Rod Stewart so it's all yours if you like it...

Which is not to say that I missed the point of your post. I feel you on the doing things you don't really want to do to make your family happy at your wedding.

My advice is to find the shortest song possible- at the end of the day, it'll only be a few minutes out of the whole wedding. You could also have FSU and his Mom dance at the same time, so the focus is divided a bit?

Lady Old Soul said...

I think people get trapped into the notion that their wedding is not their event. (Lord, how my mom tried to convince me of it! LOL) You should absolutely not do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable if you don't want to...your father had his wedding, and now it's time for you to have yours. It's not about him, or anyone else....just do whatever makes you happy!! At the end of the day, those memories are for YOU to cherish...bad ones would just add a negative note that shouldn't be there because another set of family members might feel like a thing like that dance is mandatory. Families now come in all shapes and sizes...and it often changes many many aspects of nuptials! LOL Is your family paying for the wedding? I could see where that might affect a decision like this one...but it should still rest ultimately with you. =)

Tanyalias said...

I know this is a couple months late and you probably already figured it out, but here are my 2 cents: Does it have to be an official dance? Can you just choose to do it if the moment is right when the song comes on?

I had a some better reasons not to do a father-daughter dance, but still I had to deal with other things related to that like getting walked down the aisle. In the end, no matter what you do may rub certain people the wrong way but I think you need to stay true to what will make you the happiest and what reflects you and your fiance's vision for the day.

Then if you have to tell family, you can say it with confidence and honesty instead of reluctantly having to suffer through 2 minutes of dancing. You don't want to have to "fear" a part of your wedding day. So don't set yourself up for that. You are the director of planning, don't let someone else make this call for you.