Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Dear Gary,

Remember that time junior year of college I called you crying and you told me that the world is not against me and that I had to stopping acting like it was?

Today, my dear friend, I feel as if the world is against me. I feel like I cannot win and I wish you were around with some words of wisdom to help me put things in perspective. I am trying so hard to do all the right things and to stay and look on the bright side of everything. It's just... well I feel as though I've had the wind knocked out of my sails one to many times. I desperately need something to give. I am exhausted by everyone else's needs and wish I had the capacity to focus on my own, to be a little selfish.

I am ruled by the constraints of social expectations and work expectations and financial expectations and it's just miserable.

The only thing that seems to be going well is my relationship, which is surprising I know, considering I usually find a way to ruin relationships before they really go anywhere. It's safe to assume most of the credit there goes to the other party.

There was a glimmer of hope over Thanksgiving break. I could breathe and I was happy and I had time to do what I wanted to do. I thought that would make the next few weeks easier but it's only made them worse because now I have glimpsed what my life could be like if only I wasn't obligated to so many other people.

Maybe the world is not against me, I am after all not significant enough for the whole world to put forth that sort of effort, but I am at the very least surrounded by idiots.


If you were only a phone call away.

1 comment:

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