Thursday, January 7, 2010

Are you patient?

Over the years, we learn how to cope with rejection, break-ups, fights with best friends, siblings, parents, embarrassment, failure, even death. All these things are survivable, they can make you stronger or wiser or even a better person a better friend.

How do we learn to be patient, to enjoy what we have while we have it, to not want more right now, to not always look forward to the next step while missing out on what is right in front of us? Which lesson is it that teaches us to not push so hard towards the future? Maybe you have the answer but I certainly do not. In everything from my workout results to my career to my relationship I lack patience. I am constantly frustrated with the speed, or lack there of, I can move towards the next goal. I can remember only a handful of times in my entire life I felt completely fulfilled and content just living in the moment. Does this mean I will never be satisfied?

At work I want to be recognized for all my hard work and for someone to realize that I have good ideas and a hard earned education and that I work hard. Why is it that no matter my triumphs at work, no matter the hours I put in or the accomplishments its never enough. People only focus on the negative which is often out of my hands. How do I survive in fundraising when 90% of all nonprofits are struggling and they expect us to up our revenue by millions. In my relationship I want to be unaffected by all the outside pressures to get married and have kids. I want us to be ready but maybe we are not, and why does that have to feel like a failure?

My personal life and work life are under a constant state of pressure. Pressure to raise more money, pressure to be the perfect girlfriend, pressure to make everyone else happy whether it be coworkers, family, friends or boyfriend. At this point I am not even sure what I want. Will my constant need for the next step cease when I make a certain amount of money or reach a higher level in my career. Will it stop nagging at me when I get married or when I have children. I can't imagine so. Either I have to find a way to be patient and enjoy my life the way it is now, or I need to accept the fact that I will forever be a prisoner of everyone else's agenda.

No comments: