You know the kind of nightmare you can't shake, the one that overshadows your whole day? This morning after the usual "does this match black pants" series of questions, after FSU left for work, after Zeus stopped barking and I fell back asleep I had the eeriest dream. The worst kind where it involves people you actually know, a scenario that is possible in reality.
I can't bring myself to describe the details but it involved some sorority sisters, and a conspiracy to do something horrible to me, something I have already been through once. I shudder just thinking of it. It sounds like a really bad B movie starring Paris Hilton as the queen bitch., but keep in mind no one in my chapter even looked remotely like Paris Hilton's stunt double. Thank god.
This could be a combination of things, the dream I mean. I did read about this stupid Greek rating website in the online version of my university's paper. Also, some residual bitterness over the way my last semester as an active member of said sorority went down. I say "some", but I really mean "a lot". Not to mention a couple of more recent incidents executed by some very hateful, bored, or jealous people. And when I say "incidents" I mean purposefully executed public commentary on aspects of my personal life and/or simple attempts to get under my skin. And when I say "some very hateful, bored or jealous people" I mean two people, specifically hateful, bored, or jealous in my direction. I would refer you to their websites... but the thing is I don't think my readers and their readers have much in common, at all. In fact I am sure that if you were interested in Madras, preppy whales, and discussion of the importance of fashion and expensive clothing over all else, including your own personal growth, poverty, politics, global warming, and simple human integrity, you wouldn't be reading this. Just a hunch. Let me know though, I could whip up a post on how deeply offended I was by the lack of live music at someone else's wedding, or perhaps a little spiel on my favorite upper class exclusively white vacation spot where I spend lots of time buying extremely important items of clothing, but of course only if they bear a logo (we wouldn't want anyone not to know how much I paid for something!). This would probably get me a lot more readers. Why start becoming a part of the herd now though right? I might bore myself to death.
Wow. That's been a long time coming. I guess the dream itself this morning, was a manifestation of some latent resentment I've got going on. Time to let it go or "move on" like that email list serve called "move on" I was surreptitiously signed up for. I wonder who could have done that, while simultaneously posting "moveon.com" as their facebook status. How very very clever.
Would those of you I see or speak to on a daily basis mind reiterating anything we say to each other in an online public manner, such as via your own blog, my blog, facebook, or myspace? I really feel as though our friendships would grow deeper and become stronger through attempting to hurt or humiliate others publicly while pretending its all a funny inside joke. Not to mention the satisfaction we may feel at repaying long lost friends for sticking with us through the hardest times in our lives by picking at their most painful psychological wounds. Sounds like LOADS of fun! You can practice on me, here I'll tag all the things in my life that I am overly sensitive and emotional about. Let's just get them out there so there's no surprises.
Am I picking a fight? Maybe. Do I feel like the date of expiration has long since passed on my right to retaliate in any way? Yes. However, I don't care. I have let this resentment, hurt, and disbelief fester and grow for to long, and I have to say something if only to make myself feel better. How was I supposed to react to all those things? When will I get some answers to the dozens of questions I have? What have I done to deserve such treatment by women who used to be cherished friends? Maybe nothing, maybe a lot, but there's been no explanation. I'm not expecting one either.
~love and $7 organic cotton generic T-shirts. With Greek Letters on them. Smeared in blood. How's that for effect? To dramatic?
* note: I paused to spell check this post.