Thursday, April 3, 2008

Friendships: women vs. men

Fish or Cut Bait?
I don't really understand that phrase, but it seemed appropriate.

How do you know when it's time to give up on a friendship? Is there ever really an appropriate time for this, or should you just continue to always be there, waiting patiently for them to notice you still exist? The mere fact that I am even writing this means I am obviously on the line here already.

I have a hunch that men's friendships are not nearly as complicated as women's friendships, and maybe I am generalizing here but it just feels like they have it easier than us. You know how on TV or in movies there are those groups of friends who are just BFF's FOREVER no matter what YAY! and they never really argue or disagree with each other and they have movie montage type fun together and finish each others sentences and think the other persons annoying narcissistic qualities are just super "fab". Ugh. This doesn't exist in real life. I'm not nearly as cynical as I used to be, but give me a break. It always seems like the women I know are more than happy to maintain friendships and relationships with people who walk all over them, take them for granted, who are just all around bad friends. However, when it comes to the people that really care about them they seem uninterested.

Here is a piece of unsolicited advice from my own personal experience; do not tell your friends the truth all the time. Namely, don't tell them if you think they are heading down the wrong path, or making everyone around them uncomfortable, and most of all never tell them if they are being obnoxious, superficial and alienating everyone with their heinous attitude. Trust me, you think you are being a good friend by saying to her face what everyone else is complaining about behind her back, but you are only shooting yourself in the foot. When all the dust settles, you will be the bad guy and all the enabler's will be the good guys. It's a hard lesson to learn that honesty is not always the best policy. I guess this goes without saying for some people, but I just have a problem keeping my mouth shut. I am learning that my most valuable relationships are with people who can handle the truth, and friends that you don't have to always agree with or coddle all the time, those are the only kind for me.

Men on the other hand, I guess just don't mess around with each others girlfriends, don't talk about your feelings too much, maintain the bare minimum contact with each other and that's all you need. I am so jealous of you right now. So. Jealous.

~Z

1 comment:

Z said...

Hey! I stumbled upon your site a little while ago, but this is my first comment. So, Hi! And: 1. I use Z as my blog name, too... Hope there is no confusion? and, 2. Nothing to do with this post, but I am a 20something grad student, too... So, um, Hi, my alter-ego-or-something ;)

Next, my actual comment: I soooo hear you here. Way too many friendships have changed/been lost/or alternatively been strengthened in the past few years (post-college, etc). And the whole being-honest-may-cause-you-to-be-the-bad-guy thing? Yes. And WHY is that?!?! I'd rather have someone be brutally honest and help me (though granted I reserve the right to be pissed immediately after the frankness) than everyone lie to me!