Sunday, December 2, 2007

its a long way down, on this rollercoaster.

whats the point in trying to dream anymore?

should have stayed in bed kind of day.

Honesty, it's still right, even if it hurts. Things used to be simple, not all that great, but simple none the less. I always knew where I stood and even if I felt a little cynical, a little jaded, I knew what it was and where we weren't going.

Maybe its the possibility of being with someone who can actually give you what you want that is terrifying. Two major things are occurring right now in my life. I am having a really hard time lately letting go of the past, it haunts me now like it hasn't in a very long time. How do you get away from something that defines you?

and

I love him. It doesn't surprise me that I know, I always know what I want, and how I feel. What surprises me is that I didn't expect it, it is all just so unexpected. And I'm ready, but I am not ready. I was just getting to the point where being alone was OK, and moving to D.C. is still important, just moving anywhere but here honestly. It would all be easier if I could just keep my mouth shut and not blurt things out. Because now I'm not sure of anything, except how I feel. Finally met someone who is everything I've ever wanted in another person and for the first time I don't care what my friends think and I know he is who I want. I've never been so sure, actually I've never been sure about anyone before this. So why am I so ridiculously awkward and anxious and unsure about myself all of a sudden? It sucks.

I have to stop now, stop over thinking everything. I love roller coasters right?



~Z

No comments: