Monday, November 19, 2007

I have waited, the anticipations got me glued

I am waiting for familiar results.

I'm packing for 4 nights at home, as in hometown. I have no idea who I will see other than Yatan (Blog Mistress) and Miss Boston who I haven't seen in more than 3 years- I am so excited about that. Maybe Yatan and I can stir up some trouble, it shouldn't be too difficult.

Also, I am a big fat liar. I'm back on the cliff, and I don't think I ever left it. Ive been staring into space for a day but who am I kidding? Just because I don't want to feel a certain way does not give me one ounce of control over it. This guy is amazing and now the only thing holding me back is this strange situation with Medusa as Roomie so affectionately nicknamed her. I am not going to let her get to me, except that she already is. In the back of my mind it does make me wonder a little that he lets her affect him so much, cares a little too much about her mood of the day. I honestly think its a fucking joke to say you don't have feelings for someone and then act like your world is ending when they are mad at you. I guess J.P. does that for me to, but that's to be expected since we were together for 2 years, and I was in-love with him. Hmmph. More evidence to the point that friendship is indeed more valuable than being in-love. Lasts longer even if it doesn't taste as good, like Stride gum.

On the other hand I also can't wait for Christmas. Not for the presents and the traveling and the snow. (There's no snow here and I'm hopefully not really traveling) The possibility of seeing Lt. is enough to make my stomach churn. I haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks and I have no idea whether or not he will be home. I am keeping my fingers crossed, because I haven't seen him in 5 years and I have to know. Is he the same? I know we have all changed but how much? I am still baffled by the military choice all together, but I'm not making any assumptions until we sit down and talk. Sometimes these questions and many others are best left unanswered, but I'd just really like to know.

what does one pack exactly when going home for 4 days? well if you are me, then a lot more than you could possibly wear. I'm a little concerned that my mom will have me chained to the kitchen baking and cooking the whole time since we did talk her into inviting 12 people to Thanksgiving dinner.

Back to packing. If I don't post for the next few days, then the trip home was boring. Lets hope for lots of drinking and "catching up" with old friends. I think I need a distraction.

~Z

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