Friday, November 2, 2007

Here we lay again

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation that feels like Dejavu (sp?), but all of a sudden you realize you really have been there before and it feels so familiar because it is and you've been there more times than you can count. This is the point at which you have a choice... stay or go. I chose to go.

Today was a little heartbreaking. It would be impossible to define exactly why. But now, at this late hour, it feels normal again. I've made my choices. It's not that I am walking away, I'm just walking towards something else.

It is so easy to let the people around me affect my mood, my outlook. There is nothing more frustrating. Sometimes its the broken-recordness of it all. I don't want to hear the same lines over and over, and I don't want to keep having these pointless conversations. The whole deal is cyclical, and tiring. boring really.

Furthermore, when did feeding someone's ego and never having any kind of deeper connection with them become true friendship? It's starting to dawn on me that I value much different things in relationships than most of the people I call friends. I'm not sure how to cope. If I wasn't oh so sleepy, I would be more hurt and resentful. For now, I will say that there is a serious problem with the order of her priorities.

All this just serves to push me in the direction of distance. I need some serious distance.

~Z

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