Monday, November 26, 2007

and all the things I deserve, for being such a good girl

Where to begin. Going home for Thanksgiving was not as horrible in the end as it started out to be. Got to spend some time with old friends and I didn't actually consider strangling my family this time either.

We went out Wed night and it was a total bust, but good people watching, although I'm not sure where those people came from, probably the next town over. Thursday night went beachside to the only open place acceptable for legal over 21ers to go. It was slightly like a mini high school reunion, but mostly people I either didn't know very well or didn't much care for. (that's me putting it nicely). I spent most of the night trying to give someone the hint (in a nice way) that I wasn't interested in going home with him. I don't want to burn bridges but come on, could I be more obvious when I spend the whole night talking about someone else?

So I lasted until Friday and then I had to make my escape. Here comes the other interesting part. Except that its probably not very interesting to you. I met FSU's family Saturday. They seem nice from the very little I actually talked to them. I mostly slept while they watched football. (once again, I cant fake it).


So here I am now. Its Monday, and I am out here all on my own. Where is here? God. I don't know when the tides turned on me, but now I'm back to square one. I said a mental goodbye once and for all to J.P. Saturday night. I left FSU's house and it was like autopilot... and there's something comforting about someone who knows just what you need. I just called J.P. and he knew immediately. Come over, everything will be OK. Of course he and I will always have that something, he knows me inside and out (this is not a sexual reference). I will always love him in my own way, but there's just not room in there for two anymore, so I am walking away. Which scares the hell out of me, the whole deal. And I only feel slightly stupid and mildly like I just made a huge mistake by opening my mouth when I really shouldn't have.

You have to tell people how you feel about them. Its so morbid, but what if something happened and you never got the chance? I wonder if Roomie and I are the only ones who actually believe this philosophy.

Just stay busy, stay occupied, don't think about it.
~Z

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