I am in a fog today. Sleep was elusive last night. J.P. stopped by last night and it was nice. I didn't lose it and he didn't ask too many questions.
There's just no use in trying to define it. Every time I think I can, it changes and there are too many layers. I am just going to let it be whatever it is. I want him to be happy and I think he is, and his feelings for me are more evident now than they were for the past 6 months. How can I complain? It is my experience that great friendship is almost always more valuable and lasting than relationships. And what more can you ask for than to keep the person you love in your life in some capacity, even if it didn't turn out how you thought it would?
Had dinner with FSU and his friends. I was nervous, it's always a test to meet someone's closest friends. A little bit of an interview. I had a good time, despite not feeling well. They were funny and I was quiet, which is unusual for me, but I didn't want to put my foot in my mouth yet. I'm trying not to talk about the FSU situation, don't want to jinx it. It's not really that there is anything to tell specifically, it's just different in a good way. A great way.
There are a million thoughts running through my head. Like he says, I think about everything too much. Why can't I just let it happen? all of it.